Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I don't have a title for this post

These are two quotes that inspire me and cause me to do some deep thinking.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."-August Wilson

I try to do this. I feel like I have the "illumination" but struggle with the "forgiveness". I have always been incredibly confused as to how to go about forgiving onesself. I totally get that guilt serves no good purpose and we need to move on from our mistakes so that we can make room for new experiences. I get caught up in the whole karma thing. If I just say to myself" wow that was wrong of me, what a mistake, next time I will do better" should that really be enough? Does the universe think that is enough and my little karma slate gets the bad erased? Do I have to find some way to make amends? Do I need to do something equally good to break even? Is worrying about not having good karma a selfish way to look at ones mistakes? This confuses me because I try not to live my life for others. I obviously care if I do something that causes trouble for someone else, but I try not to worry about what other people think of me. So, what do you think? Is it enough to realize you made a mistake and agree to not make the same mistakes? Or, do you need to go farther with it?

" Knowing others is intellegence, knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich."-Tao Te Ching
This one hits home for me this time of year. Everyone is buzzing with excitement about tax refunds and all too often about what we are getting with that money. America occasionally makes me sad. We talk constantly about how poor we are when we have food in the fridge, roof overhead, family by our side. We put an inordinate amount of stress on ourselves trying to "keep up with the jones' " We over buy for our kids, in essence, teaching them to over buy. We get embarassed we don't have money because we blew it on useless crap. Useless crap we had to buy to fill all the empty holes we have because we don't want to really look at ourselves. We don't want to examine too close the way we talk to our loved ones, how we bought our kids stuff to occupy them because it was easier then spending time with them, the way we talk about our friends, how we really feel about the people we choose to surround ourselves with, how we spend our money, or our time. Maybe we are making excuses for our behavior and their believeability depends on our not looking too close.The truth is, the more money we spend on plugging those holes the more we rob ourselves of true lasting happiness. It distracts us for awhile from the what we don't want to face, but eventually, inevitablely the shine wears off that pretty new bauble and we are left with the gaping hole again(and maybe a new pile of debt) Maybe we can all try to be brave this year and save that money for a family trip somewhere where there isn't t.v, video games or any of the other junk that distracts us from really looking at each other and interacting, or for a yoga class where we can learn to enjoy the peace that hides in each of us, or even just save it so the next time something breaks you have the money to fix and can save yourself some stress. I know it isn't easy to just save the money. Life is short and everyone wants to get the best out of it, but maybe the real you IS the best you can get out of life. I have really been wanting an iphone, but realized this was completely out of reach, so I settled my sights on the newest ipod touch and I have to say, I really hope I DON'T get it. I will feel rich if I can master myself and realize I have enough.

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