I have been thinking about my relationship with my better half Dan. I have had other relationships and been married before and was just thinking how completely different this relationship is than any other that came before. I have had ones where we had a lot in common but no sparks. I have had plenty of sparks but no common ground. I have suffered and probably my partners have too. Why sometimes do we try so hard to make a square peg fit into a round hole? Why does everything seem so right on paper but just goes nowhere in application? What makes a good relationship? I am no expert on relationships but I know why mine works and since it was on my mind I thought I would share.
One reason is we have a lot in common. We like the same things...discussing current events, rpg games, action movies, reading, camping. We have a real good base to start spending time together. We also have some interests the other doesn't exactly share but will participate in such as Dan being my "patient" to practice reiki on or me playing some card game that Dan slaughters me in repeatedly. It is nice that we will do these things for each other but I think the main way we bond is in doing things together we both really enjoy. It is effortless to have a really good time when you are doing something you are comfortable with and makes you happy.
Another reason is we truly support each other and it makes us feel happy to do so. I never feel put upon when Dan needs me to pick up the slack or take care of him. I genuinely am glad I get the chance to be useful to someone who gives me so much. I know he feels the same because he told me so recently. Our dishwasher broke and I hate doing dishes! So slowly I was falling behind on dishes. I would end up with these enormous piles of dishes that I would have to finally deal with only for them to pile up again in short order. Well, I was talking about this endless cycle when Dan said he would help me do them. I said that I feel bad that he would have to help me do what is by rights my "job". It isn't like he is bringing home portfolio reporting work from work and asking if I would chip in. He just said "Oh, don't ever worry about that. I like helping you out" and you know what I believe him cause I feel the same way about helping him.
Also, I find him adorable! After all this time I am still so glad to see his cute face come through that door. I still get all a flutter when he hugs me...and he still can make me giggle with his compliments. I actually do a happy dance when he gets vacation time off work. I don't just deeply love this man I genuinely like him as a person.
Probably the most important of all is we make each other laugh. I mean really really laugh. We have any number of running inside jokes and the same slightly dark, slightly off sense of humor. Dan is the king of the witty one liner, while I can see the joke in the ridiculousness of it all. Just tonight Dan and I were watching something on TV where the hero was going to sacrifice his life to fly a bomb away from innocent people. He wants to tell his daughter goodbye so he calls her and tells her he will be flying this bomb away from the city and she is crying and asks "but how are you going to get off the plane?" and Dan says in his straight faced monotone way "The bomb. It's going to blow me out of the plane. That's how I'll get out. Wasn't she even listening?" He is always making me laugh and when I am laughing the whole world seems more manageable.
I spent many years in relationships that didn't work. I tried so hard to make them fit and repair the damage so they would be great. It turns out when it's right it isn't hard. It doesn't feel like work cause you are enjoying all the moments. I know people say relationships take a lot of work and probably they do but when it's right that work feels to me a lot like love and I can get on board with that anytime!